HOW TO FOSTER CONFIDENCE IN YOUR CHILD  

By Renshi Mark Gorman 

One definition of confidence is “the strength of belief a person has that they can accomplish the task at hand”.  The great athletes throughout history demonstrated a high level of belief in their abilities.  In addition, great performers such as actors, musicians, and public speakers also share this level of confidence in their skills.  Children are growing and developing everyday and while they are young is an ideal time to help support them in the development of their self-confidence.     A healthy development of their self-confidence will contribute to their overall well being and happiness.  And even if they are not to become the next Tiger Woods or Maria Sharapova, they can certainly get the most out of what they do, have a better chance at success in all they do, feel good about themselves, have fun and rewarding experiences.

Self-confidence comes from within, but there are many external factors that can have an effect on it, both positive and negative.  While it is important to support this development at a young age, our self-confidence continues to evolve even as adults.    At Mountain Eagle Karate Academy helping children develop and increase self-confidence is one of our priorities and it is built into our curriculum, however, the following overview can help parents play a role in the development of their children’s self-confidence.

Some common obstacles to performing your best can include doubting one’s abilities, being stereotyped, low self esteem, continuous negative feedback, worry of who is watching you, performing in the event as well as you do in practice.  Proper preparation is a key factor in eliminating doubts of one’s skills or ability to perform, so encouragement to practice and prepare for the event can go a long way.  Reminders of past successes they have had and  putting a focus on effort can really help alleviate doubt and the knowledge that you think they are the greatest regardless of the outcome, frees them up to do their best and have fun.

 You can help your children avoid being stereotyped by avoiding negative labels.   Examples of such labels include, “too skinny”, “too slow”, “too nervous”,  “never wins”, “no talent” and other labels’ can be “overweight”, “has asthma”, “not smart enough”.  These negative labels can be destructive and negatively impact a child for a long time, however, they can easily be replaced with positive labels such as “winner”, “always gives his best”, “smart player”, “has great hustle” and so many others.

As parents you will provide the majority and the most important feedback to your children.  Too much negative feedback can strip your child of their overall self-confidence and feelings of approval.  When offering feedback to your kids, a good rule of thumb is to use what I call a “feedback sandwich”.  Praise is the bread and the critique is ham and cheese.  So, start with praise and end with praise, the critique will be in the middle.  For example, “really nice improvement overall, you can do better in this ‘area’ and keep up that positive attitude you are demonstrating”.

It is very important that your child is self motivated and that it is all about them.  As a parent your role should be to support your child in their endeavors and not have a personal agenda that makes it about you.  This helps children focus on what they are doing from an internal perspective and limits external distractions.  Over coaching and overly enthusiastic parents in the stands are not helpful to the children and it must be remembered that it is all about the child not our personal needs or competitiveness.

One of the best things a coach or parent can do with children in helping them enjoy the event and perform at their highest level is to refrain from added pressure in the form of expectations.  An expectation of winning or scoring “X” amount of points should be replaced with a focus on the process and activities that allow them to perform at their best.  Focusing on the process of the event and putting out our best effort should be enough for anybody and often yields the result we were hoping for.  A great way to send a child off to the event is to remind them that they have prepared well and now it is simply time to give their best effort and have fun.

As parents we can play a role in creating a foundation of self-confidence in our children by providing appropriate coaching and support, encouraging their best effort, using positive reinforcement, giving them balanced feedback (remember the “feedback sandwich”), making it all about them and less about us, focusing on the process vs. the results, maintaining realistic and achievable expectations and of course unconditional love and acceptance.    Understanding that confidence and success ultimately come in the form of growth and enjoyment will help us to focus on how to better support our children.